Tuesday, October 22, 2013

One year of Daniel

This note has been long overdue. I was thinking about writing this and posting it as a birthday gift to my dear boy. Internet has its ways to keep escaping at special occasions like these so that I have no excuse to not spend every single minute with my little boy. No work distractions, No facebook comments, Nothing.

The kid is now one year old and I am not going to lie, time did not fly. Time took its time and I remember every single struggle attached with the one long year of parenting. The amnesia people often attach with motherhood, I ain't having it. But let me try and make this love note as sweet and candy flavored as possible, for this is a love note and it truly should be a super duper love note.

The first few weeks of motherhood was heartbreaking and overwhelming at the same time. I took my own time to get the hang of this mom role. I am not going to lie to you, I was bored most of the time. I even sit and wonder now if I will ever get those 'nothingtodothewholeday' days back ever again. Dan used to sleep all the time. I had too much trouble getting used to breastfeeding which is shown in all movies as the most natural thing women does. Aha. na. na. na na na. I was bored, frustrated, bruised and irritated. Also the kid's cries broke my heart. I felt that I am complete failure as a mother because I couldn't be a professional at breastfeeding on the first day or even after the first few weeks. The senior mothers are so judgmental that you want to cry your heart out every single day. If you are used to working all the time, the rest period can turn out to be pretty boring. The kid was comfortable sleeping next to my mother and I felt jealous of her. I wondered why I am not being able to hold the baby as comfortably as she does. The newborn human baby is so fragile, it is scary. I lost my sleep thinking that I might accidentally harm him in my sleep. I was insane. I was in love with the frail little thing so much.
Slowly and steadily we became comfortable with each other. By the end of two months we overcame our troubles with all things motherhood. We became glued to each other's bodies and we forgot our traumas. We gotten used to each other so much that I could sleep in peace while he sleeps in peace. I became an expert in burping and baby poop. The meltdowns reduced. I started working from home on a million little projects. I even started to wonder if I could ever love this little human being enough.

The third and fourth months went off like a breeze. Everybody around us were thrilled to entertain the little entertainer, for he was a good sport. Giggles and giggles everywhere, Dan was the happiest kid ever. I might have started to lose my sanity because of all the baby talk, but never mind. On the plus side, I lost my baby weight and more, yay to breastfeeding and taking care of the baby all by myself.  By the time we were past the fifth, sixth and seventh months, I worked all the time, I worked on freelance projects, I took care of every single need of Dan, I made toys for him, I cooked homemade baby food, I started looking at every food grain and vegetable and poultry produce in terms of the protein and iron and calcium that will go into the nutritional requirements of my son. I even missed my oh so bored new mom days. I was sinking deep into mommyhood.

I have seen him take baby steps, I have ran behind him and held him close and missed those days when he was taking slow baby steps, that too. I have heard him say a-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma... and a-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa... We are not yet sure he means us with those sounds, but it makes one melt.

Now we do not have special baby food, special baby time and all that mad stuff. He eats whatever we eat, he has conquered the entire house, marked every inch as his territory by hiding and spilling all his play objects, sometimes the play objects include the human beings who reside in this house, he has graduated from a baby to a person with whims, feelings, emotional dramas, meltdowns, laugh riots and more. One day he is cutting new teeth, the next day he is fascinated with ants, another day he is yelling at lizards and scaring them off (we now have an unbelievably lizard-free home), another day he will refuse to eat, and another day he will eat whatever you give him and kiss you too, so much drama!

In one year, little by little I have learned to balance myself, my sanity and my baby all in one place. I am swimming, upstream and slow sometimes, but I am swimming. Oh, I love the little boy!


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