Nine things you do not need in pregnancy

Nobody can be as confused as a woman who got pregnant for the first time in her life. The confusion triples if she is away from home and all things mom. You do not know what to do with the newly attached file to your body. You are sick and tired all the time. You probably need to go out and work still. The parents will call and ask you to eat insane stuff, do insane things while all you wonder is how to squeeze into the office formal wear every morning. Naturally, you will drift towards the agony aunt of modern times: the internet. You will surf the baby and maternity websites. You will think that may be in these modern times I might perhaps need all these stuff to become a mother. I better be prepared. In the times of online shopping, becoming materialistic is only a matter of a few mouse clicks. You end up being an obsessive-compulsive pregnant consumer.  But do you really need all that stuff? I don’t think so. Here is a list of what you do not need in pregnancy. I was rather taken aback at the sheer existence of certain pregnancy paraphernalia.

 Pregnancy Tee shirts

A pregnant woman might do just about anything to feel casual and comfortable with her growing belly. But what are these pregnancy tee shirts? If you are already a plus size woman, shopping for these will make your spirits drown into the sea with a stone tied to the neck. They will never fit you. There is too much pressure on women to be cardstock pregnant, the ones with glowing faces and a perfect football of a bump. But to break the truth for you, pregnant women comes in all kinds of sizes just like normal women. Contemplating to buy into the store fashioned models of pregnancy perfection might land you in chronic depression. Go for those extra large men’s tees. It will have room for you, your baby, your husband and the rest of your family.

 Maternity fancy pants

This is another classic. Maternity pants? Why? Look into your cupboard. You have enough stretchy leggings, salwars with adjustable drawstrings and loose track pants already. You might not be able to wear skinny jeans for obvious reasons. Get a freaking wraparound skirt if you want to look casual and comfortable. After all, it is just a matter of nine months.

Nursing poncho

You add the word ‘nursing’ to anything in the world and put it online. You can sell it to ignorant first time mommies who are buying stuff like crazy in the whole pregnancy mayhem. There might even be nursing butt wipes, considering the customized capitalist logic. If you want to comfortably nurse, just lift your shirt/teeshirt/kurta/kameez and nurse. If you want a modest cover, use a duppatta/shawl/stole/whatever piece of cloth that comes handy. Duh! Seriously, what is happening with the common sense logic of people?

Stretch marks cream

Your skin is going to stretch like never before to accommodate a human baby; a very daring exercise which is definitely going to leave its mark. How much ever cocoa butter you apply, you will end up having those marks. The angry looking marks might fade and even out. Still they will be there like tattoos reminding you of the most life changing experience you have had. Consider taking pride in those marks. Any good moisturizer/oil will soothe your skin in tension. But ah ah, there is no magical stretch marks removing cream. If your skin type is prone to marks, it will have them marks.

 Relaxing shower gel

Any pregnant woman would love a relaxing shower. But is there a relaxing shower gel specifically manufactured for pregnancy? Hell No. Don’t buy that. If you want to relax, ask somebody to give you a foot massage, that’s relaxing!   

  Nipple wipes

Are you insane? Wipe your nipples occasionally with a clean wet cotton cloth.

  Nursing pads

The nursing pads are actually a set of pretty looking fabric sewn together to absorb the milk spilled by leaky breasts. Not all pretty looking fabric are comfortable and the nursing pad goes inside your bra, so who is to see? Fold a clean cotton fabric and use it. Try an old mulmul cloth, a piece of a well-worn cotton dhoti works the best.

 Baby record books

If you can’t think of crafting and customizing a regular scrap book into a mother hood journal, you are not going to keep a baby record book either. It will end up in the baby stuff junkyard part of your house. Trust me, you are not going to have time to keep track of what day of the week it is once the baby arrives.

Nursing bras

Didn’t we talk about this already? Oh, was that the poncho? Yes, lift your shirt and unhook your comfortable cotton bra. Remember, practice makes perfect and you get to practice this a lot. The only change in pregnancy is you might need one size bigger, or two. Good luck dealing with that!